


we'll never go out of style

by lavab0y



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Homophobia, I have no idea, I know, M/M, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, So many ships, Soz, This is late, Underage Drinking, also zerrie, and a bit of larry, gay slurs, how is there a bit of niam too, not even sorry, so little that i'm not tagging it though, sorry - Freeform, that's about it, there's like a bit of narry, um, what am i even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 00:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3099008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavab0y/pseuds/lavab0y
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael fucking hates New Year's Eve.</p><p>-</p><p>or, 5 times Michael and Calum almost kiss on New Year's Eve and one time they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we'll never go out of style

**Author's Note:**

> this is like three days late but yeah happy new year.
> 
> thanks to helen for nudging me along a bit and giving me the idea for #1, even though it didn't turn out quite like she suggested. thanks to everyone who read the first part and encouraged me to keep going. hope you guys liked it x

**5.**

Michael fucking hates New Year's Eve. He hates the hope that everyone feels, hates how tipsy his parents get, hates how people seem more in love. They're dancing, all of the adults, making right arses of themselves and not caring. Michael's jealous of their carefreeness.  
  
He's 14, old enough to know that he should like girls, that the skin Liam's sister shows off should be enticing, but young enough that he doesn't know why he doesn't. Niall, the blonde boy who never stops laughing, flushes when Ruth winks at him, even though Michael can tell she's out of his league. Harry and Louis giggle and tease Niall anyway, and Michael looks away and goes back to reading his book. He's never really felt comfortable around the other kids.  
  
"Hey," a voice floats into his ears from somewhere above him and Michael looks up. Oh; it's only Calum. Calum's his mom's best friends's son, and Karen and Joy have been trying to get them to be friends forever. It hasn't worked, mostly because Michael doesn't know how to make friends and Calum is shy as hell.  
  
Michael marks his place in the book he's reading, he's halfway through Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for the fourth time and Hermione's about to use the time turner to fix everything. Michael wants to be her when he grows up. "What is it?" he says, trying not to sound as annoyed as he is.  
  
"D'you wanna play FIFA?" Calum asks, his voice small and more scared than it should be, and he won't stop picking at his fingernail. Michael feels bad; he likes Calum, he's fun to be around and he doesn't mind when Michael bosses him around. It occurs to Michael that Calum doesn't know that.  
  
"Yeah, okay," Michael says, standing up and brushing off his pants. Calum's head snaps up, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair in surprise, his expression screaming _Really?_. Michael nods 'yes' to his unspoken question and Calum's whole face lights up.  
  
"Well? C'mon then, loser," Michael says, taking Calum's hand. They weave through the groups of drunken adults counting down towards the new year. Calum's hand is warm in his and everyone is looking around for someone to kiss as the year ends and turns over into the new. The whole room is hectic, so alive that Michael needs to take a pause; there's a couple getting a head start on the kissing that's standing right in their way. He looks back at Calum to give him a reassuring smile, but it dies on his lips when he sees Calum already looking at him, his face curious as he licks his lips. Michael takes a step towards him without knowing why, his body on autopilot as his brain screams at him _(_ _what the hell are you doing this is a boy you fucking idiot)_ and it's hit one, and Michael can see fireworks past Calum's head and Luke's parents kissing but he doesn't really care. He's frozen in his dress shoes, thinking maybe,  _maybe,_ but Calum just smiles. 

"Race you upstairs," he says, already turning to run. There's something behind Calum's eyes Michael wants to know more about, but Michael tells himself he follows Calum because of something else.

 

**4.**

Michael's 15 and he still hates New Year's Eve, but at least he can suffer through it with Luke and the others now. He's a little more confident in himself, a little less chubby and a little better at managing his hair. Niall and Harry are getting giggly drunk and making eyes at each other while Louis huffs and puffs at the display. Michael simply rolls his eyes; he knows Harry is just trying to make Louis jealous and Niall's just trying to have a laugh. Zayn is smoking out the back as Liam goes around, charming everyone and their mother.

Michael has set up at his place in the corner again, with Luke beside him, quietly playing Candy Crush on his phone while Michael reads. One good thing about Luke is that he knows when to be quiet. But then Ashton appears in front of them, bouncing lightly on his heels and stretching a hand out towards Luke, asking him to dance. Luke's eyes are hopeful and his smile wide and innocent, so Michael lets him go. The kiss on the cheek Luke gives him makes him smile for the first time all night.

Now that he's alone, he can't help but look around, telling himself he's not looking for anyone in particular but yearning to see Calum's head of dark floppy hair in the sea of middle aged couples. Michael's on his tiptoes, straining to see past Luke's older brother Jack's tall frame, when he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around, dropping to his feet. His heart does three flips and skips a beat for good measure when he sees Calum standing behind him.

"Hey," Calum says, and he's smiling that smile that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners. "Hi," Michael responds, feeling a bit proud when his voice comes out steadier than he thought.

"Wanna play FIFA?" It takes Michael back to last year, and he's hit with raw  _want_ , but for what he doesn't know. _  
_

"Yeah," he says, but doesn't take Calum's hand this time, not knowing where the boundaries lie and not knowing how to test them. He didn't have to worry though, because Calum takes his hand this time, and tugs him towards the stairs, skipping them two at a time until they reach Michael's room. 

Michael powers up the Xbox and takes a seat on the floor, busying himself with the controllers. It's an hour from midnight and his lips ache and the awkwardness is palpable. "Betcha 5 dollars I'll win the first game," he hears, and grins because he knows Calum knows his FIFA skills better than that. They shake on it, and suddenly the tension is gone, drained straight out of the room as they play, their shouts of triumph (Michael) and groans of defeat (Calum) the only noise in the dim room.

Calum's picking his team when Michael hears the countdown, floating up the stairs and under the door. "They're counting down," he says, feeling nervous again; he can't see them but somehow he knows Calum's eyes are doing that thing again. "Yeah?" Calum says, scooting closer to him on the carpet, barely making a sound.

"Yeah," Michael breathes shakily; Calum's scooted so close their knees are touching and Michael leans in a bit unconsciously, Calum's lips are so close and Michael just wants to know if they taste like the mint gum he's been chewing. 

Someone's footsteps are on the stairs and Calum's eyes get wide and he scoots away, almost as fast as he had come. The door opens and Luke pokes his head in, "Mikey, your mom needs you in the kitchen," and Michael nods, getting up and not looking back. His stomach hurts, but he doesn't think it's from all the sweets he ate.

 

**3.**

Michael's so fucking tired of these goddamn New Year's parties. He's 16 now, for god's sake, he has other things he could be doing, like wanking. But his mom's the host and won't let him get out of it. Luke's going with Ashton, because somewhere between last year and this year they became a thing. It was hard at first, MichaelandLuke becoming MichaelLukeandAshton, but Michael found he likes Ashton, and appreciates that he knows someone who can drive. It's good when he wants to skip school.

Michael's 16 and he's only out to Luke and Ashton, too scared of what his parents, or worse, his classmates, will think if he tells them that yeah, he likes to take it up the ass sometimes. He's 16 and he knows why the idea of kissing Calum made his hands sweat, all those years ago, and gets why Calum pulled away. It makes his body feel slightly numb every time he hears someone say "fag" or use "gay" to mean stupid/gross/weird. His blood pumps just a little faster and the back of his neck prickles but he doesn't say anything, because it's easier.

He helps his mum prepare the food and sets up the tables, feeling a little better about the party when Luke and Ashton come round early to help set up. By the time the first guests trickle in Michael's smiling, feeling a bit hopeful. Maybe this year he'll get kissed; Ashton said his openly gay cousin Nick was coming. Michael could use a hand other than his own.

His good mood disappears when Calum walks through the door, specifically when Calum walks through the door with a girl on his arm. She's gorgeous, and looks nice enough, but that's not the point. The point is that Michael wants to be the one on Calum's arm, and knows he can't be. He swivels on his heel and takes the stairs two at a time, locking the door of the bathroom behind him before Calum can spot him.

Of course Calum has a girlfriend, of course their two almost-kisses mean nothing. Calum is a golden boy, from what Michael hears, with a footy scholarship in his future. There's no way he could afford to come out, let alone have a boyfriend. Michael tells himself this, but no amount of facts can make him stop crying. 

There's a knock on the door. Michael assumes it's Luke or Ashton coming to ask what's wrong, and yells a sniffly "Go away!" over his shoulder. "Mikey? You in there?" a voice that sounds entirely too much like Calum's asks, and Michael scrambles to his feet, wiping his eyes furiously. He yanks the door open to see Calum standing alone, fiddling with his shirt collar. "What is it?" Michael has to give himself props for sounding so unaffected.

"Um, I thought I heard someone crying?"

"Well you thought wrong, goodbye," Michael tried to close the door, but Calum stopped it with his foot. "Look, Michael, I'm sorry you had to find out this way, I really do like you, it's just, well..."

"It's just that you can't be gay, because being gay is wrong, blah blah blah. I get it." Michael picks at his nails and blinks twice to keep the tears at bay. He's not about to start crying again.

"It's not that, I just," Calum takes a step closer, his sentence trailing off like he got distracted. "Just what?" Michael can barely breathe, Calum is so fucking close he can almost taste him, so close he could almost touch Calum. Calum tilts his head, and steps in again and their chests are flush, Calum's abdomen a wall of heat against Michael and Michael doesn't think he's ever been this turned on in his life. If Calum would just kiss him, for god's sake, their lips are almost touching, he can feel Calum's breath on his face-

"Calbear? You up here?" a feminine voice calls. The owner of the voice is down the hall, and something clicks when Calum takes three big steps away from Michael and turns to answer. _Calum's girlfriend._

"Yeah, babe, I'll be right down, just got a bit lost," Calum replies, wincing a bit on the word "babe", like it physically pains him to say.

The girl giggles. "Silly boy! C'mon, it's almost midnight, wouldn't want to miss the kiss, right?"

"Right," Calum says, turning back to Michael and looking him straight in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he mouths, and walks out of the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him.

And just like before, Michael goes back to crying over that stupid boy, but this time he's not mad at Calum, he's mad at the world, because the pain in Calum's expression was enough to convince Michael that he's not the only one suffering.

**2.**

Michael's 17 and he has a boyfriend. He's since come out to his parents, and his classmates, and he's been okay. He gets bullied a bit at school, but his boyfriend is Harry Styles, so people mostly leave him alone. They know the power Harry has; he's a senior and relatively well-liked by everyone. It feels freeing to be out, to not have to hide one of the biggest parts of himself from everyone. And he cares for Harry, he really does, but in the back of his mind there's a nagging thought -  _you wish he was Calum._

Michael ignores the thought, pushing it far back into his brain. That thought is dangerous, especially because it's not a lie.

Michael brings Harry to the New Year's party. It's not a huge deal, because Harry usually comes anyway, they grew up going to these parties, but it's not nothing. Harry makes his rounds, letting grandmothers pinch his bum and shaking hands with all the dads. It's usually Liam's job, but Liam's off to college, so the job falls on Harry. Michael fields standard questions about their relationship as Harry rubs distracting circles into Michael's hipbone. It's all going quite well, better than Michael expected, until Louis shows up halfway through the night.

Everyone crowds around him, asking him about college and pestering him about the girl in all his pictures on Facebook, which is fine, but Harry goes too, and it leaves an odd feeling in Michael's stomach. _Jealousy,_ his brain tells him, but he pushes that thought away, too. Calum sidles up to him with a drink in his hand, something that looks a little too strong for a 17 year old to be having. It occurs to him that he hasn't spoken to Calum all night and he turns to him, opening his mouth to say something, but apparently Calum had the same idea, and they were standing a bit too close, because Michael's top lip catches Calum's bottom one and drags a bit before they both stumble back, mumbling apologies. Michael squeakily excuses himself, claiming he needs to find Harry, and escapes to a nearby bathroom to try to control the red hot arousal that claws at his throat.

He knocks twice, and opens the door when there's no protest, only to freeze in place at the sight in front of him. Harry, with his jeans down to his ankles, sucking off Louis fucking Tomlinson, with a hand curled around his own dick. Louis is so deep in it that he doesn't see Michael, his eyes clenched shut as he fucks into Harry's mouth, his thighs shaking with pleasure. Harry moans around Louis' cock and Michael makes a noise he'll never admit to, turning around and closing the door as quietly as possible. His arousal is gone.

But it's funny, because Michael's not really sad, though he feels like he should be. He mostly feels a bit betrayed. He walks back into the party, smiling gently and nodding at Luke when he raises his eyebrows in question, silently asking Michael if he's alright. He watches Calum slow dance with Ashton's little sister Lauren, spinning her around on his feet as she laughs and laughs and laughs. Calum's smile makes something tighten in his gut.

No, he's not sad. 

**1.**

Michael is 18 and his mom is finally letting him have alcohol at this goddamn party. That's not to say he hasn't had some behind her back before, but that's beside the point. Things aren't the way they used to be; Michael hasn't taken shit from anyone about his sexuality, no longer relying on Harry to keep people in check. He and Harry are on good terms. Harry and Louis are on even better terms.

It's the New Year's Eve party and for once Michael is okay, secure. There's still a want at the back of his mind, an ache, but it's not an unbearable need like it used to be. He's lived without what he wants in the past. His parents have started letting him dye his hair, and it makes him infinitely more confident. It helps that he's grown into his long legs and lanky arms. He even gained a bit of muscle. He doesn't like to brag, but boys seem to like the pale twink look he sports.

He helps his mom set up as usual, greeting people as they come in: Zayn with a girl on his arm who's hair is brighter than Michael's, Liam with Niall (who look like a bit more than just friends), Harry and Louis looking sinfully good. Harry kisses Michael on both cheeks when he greets him and Michael rolls his eyes, unbelieving of the fact that he ever dated this absolute nerd. Luke and Ashton filter in, along with miscellaneous family friends, and soon enough the party is in full swing.

Michael lets himself have fun. He dances a bit too sexually with Louis, takes shots with Niall, and smokes half a joint with Zayn. It's his last NYE party before high school ends; he'll be a freshman in college next time the party rolls around and it won't be the same. He shakes that thought out of his mind - no time to be pre-nostalgic - and goes to the kitchen in search of more booze.

He's just found some cheap champagne when a voice calls out, "Long time, no see, huh?" and Michael almost drops his glass because he knows that voice anywhere. He could place that voice in his sleep. "Calum," he says, the word coming out shakier than he intended. He curses himself silently. "Mikey," Calum replies. Michael's stomach does a complicated gymnastics routine. 

"How ya been?" Michael asks, trying to stay calm. It's just Calum. He's known Calum practically his whole life. It's not like he's in love with him or anything, God. "Good, good. How about you? You dating anybody?" Michael takes a sip of champagne and promptly chokes because  _what._

"Um, no. Not dating anyone," Michael stutters. He can't look up, can't meet the gaze he can feel on his face. It's making him flush pink and he silently wishes that he could just control his body for once in his miserable life. He gives in and looks up at Calum. "Yeah?" Calum says, looking much too smug. He takes a step closer. _  
_

"Yeah,"

"That's good, because then I wouldn't be able to do this," Calum takes two long strides to where Michael is standing and slides in close, pressing their bodies together like they were made for each other. He leans in a bit, and Michael knows this game too well, can already smell Calum's breath, somehow minty as usual. He's so close, if Michael could just finally,  _finally,_ taste-

Someone clears their throat and maybe Michael should have tried out for track because he's pretty sure he just broke some sort of Olympic medal with how fast he moves. He blushes to the tips of his ears and he's pretty sure he could hear Calum swallow, hard. He doesn't even want to look, because he knows it's going to be someone embarrassing like his mom, or worse, Luke, but he looks. It's only Ashton, looking sad for Michael and angry at Calum, and Michael feels bad, because Ashton's had to put up with years of Michael crying to him about Calum. Ashton looks resigned to another session of comforting him at the end of the night and something sparks in Michael's belly. 

"I just came to get more beer," Ashton says, biting his lip and scooting around Michael, touching two fingers to the back of Michael's neck as he goes to the fridge. Michael can feel his feet on the ground again, can feel his head clear. Michael gets the silent  _be smart_ and decides to take Ashton's advice for once, breathing in deep when the older boy leaves the room.

Calum's smirk slips back onto his face, and he steps back into Michael's personal space, "Where did we leave off?" Michael's lip curls.

"Look, Calum, I like you. I've liked you for four fucking years. But I can't do this back and forth dance anymore. I'm gay, and I'm out, and it's okay if you can't be but I am. I'm not afraid anymore. Come find me when you're not afraid either. I'll be waiting." His hands are shaking and he can't meet Calum's stare but he would bet all the money he has that Calum's eyes are doing that thing again.

He doesn't check.

 

**+1**

Michael's 22 and content. He finally has everything he wants, not just everything he needs, and it feels damn good. He has a steady job that he likes, a place to live, and most importantly, the boy he loves. Calum finally came to terms with his sexuality, 8 years later, and god is Michael glad that he waited. It's not like it had been easy; there had been fights, times when Michael felt sure it would never work, that he was trying for nothing, but they had made it. They still bicker and squabble, but it wouldn't be them if they didn't. _  
_

Michael is 22 and he has his boy with him, his Calum, and he makes the obligatory rounds the party, fielding questions about their relationship. There had been a surprising amount of knowing looks, and Michael wondered who else had seen that Michael looks at Calum like he hung the goddamn moon.

(He'd been 20 when Calum contacted him claiming he wasn't afraid anymore, and they began slowly building up their friendship before Calum finally asked Michael out on a date. He took Michael to the cinema and shared popcorn with him, and held his hand in public, and kissed him goodnight. Michael hasn't looked back since.)

Michael is 22 and he has someone to kiss at midnight. Calum steps into him, one hand finding his hip as the other strokes over his jaw, and kisses him sweetly, like it's the first time. All these years and it still feels like the first time, even though Michael expects it, knows how he and Calum fit together now. He knows how their limbs look tangled together, but he couldn't have known this. Couldn't have known Calum would go down on one knee (it took all of Michael's self control not to make a blowjob joke) and propose, at midnight on New Year's Eve, 8 years from when they began their journey. But he did know that the answer was always, _always_ a resounding yes when it came to Calum.

Michael kissed him again, slotted their lips together like two missing puzzle pieces that completed the whole beautiful picture, trying to tell Calum everything he felt in one press of lips, trying to convey _yes_ with all of him.

Calum tasted like mint.

 


End file.
